Pen Pal?
by Beev
Summary: An exhausted Tear tries to write a letter to Luke roughly a week after the events of Absorption Gate. [some LukexTear][Spoilers up to and including Absorption Gate][T for the sake of caution]


**Author's Notes:** Woo, my second fic. I started on this one almost immediately after finishing my first, but I'm just now finishing it up and posting it... It's been a bumpy ride, you could say. There are a few people I'd like to thank for helping me along the way, all of them from the official Tales Series forums: Drachemeister, for looking over my fic for errors and whatnot (and for getting me to finish it in the first place); SiStAoFpEaCe1, also for looking my fic over for me; and lastly, everyone who contributed to the Tales of the Abyss game script. Moving on, dialog in quotations is spoken aloud, and dialog in italics is internal dialog. I think I've gone on long enough here, so... enjoy.

* * *

Tear Grants sat on her bed, tired and trying to relax. With all that had happened recently, she just wanted to think for a while, and now was probably the only chance she'd get to do so for some time. It had been a little over a week since the decisive battle at the Absorption Gate, and the Outer Lands and the Qliphoth were now one; it was hard to adjust to, even for a capable soldier like Tear. But she had two much larger issues weighing on her mind: the death of her beloved brother, Van—and her part in his death—and the dispersion of the group which she had traveled with for so long. She had done a lot of thinking about Van already—every day, talking to him at his grave in the bed of selenias, she'd speak to her brother, relating to him the pain he, his ideals, and his actions were still causing her, among other subjects. Perhaps the darkest cloud looming over Tear's head was her eventual death due to the large amount of miasma in her body. Not even her training as a soldier had truly alleviated the fear of death, and the melodist was even more afraid now that she felt she had something to live for outside of the Order of Lorelei. Tear recalled that, when she found out about her condition, she thought that sacrificing herself for the sake of the world was for the best, even if she was scared, but the thought of never seeing her friends again was a frightening one. Her friends... Tear tried to turn her thoughts away from her brother and the miasma in her body and focus on the good times she had with them and everything they had accomplished together, but she could only think of how much she missed all of them (yes, even Jade). There was one person in particular whom she missed very much, however.

_I wonder how Luke is doing? Well, I hope... _Tear lay down on the bed, carefully placing her head on her pillow. She rested her hands on her stomach and interlaced her fingers, absentmindedly twiddling her thumbs while she thought.

_Who am I kidding? He's probably miserable at his family's manor, knowing everything that he does... I sympathize with him, but I wish he'd understand that he has a place in the world, with his friends... and with me._

Tear turned onto her side, facing away from the selenia garden, and frowned. _I wish I could do something to show him that... or at least make him feel a little better, but I have no way of seeing of him... With all that's going on, Grandfather needs me here. I can't simply abandon my duty and leave the city._

The melodist tossed and turned a few times, until something caught her eye. A few documents were scattered about on her desk, documents that had been sent to Yulia City concerning the Order of Lorelei. Seeing them gave Tear an idea. _What about a letter? I think Luke would like that. I can tell that he--_

Tear could feel her face turning bright red and stopped herself from finishing that thought. _A-anyways, I suppose I could get started now..._

Tear swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up, walking to her desk and sitting down in her chair. The coldness of the wooden floor against her feet came as something of a shock her—it had been a long time since she had walked across this floor without wearing her uniform's boots. After getting comfortable in her seat, Tear set aside the documents that had dominated the desk's surface and produced a pen and a few sheets of paper from one of the drawers of the desk, setting them in front of her. She had never written a letter before, but she had seen the formatting of one many times through her work with the Order of Lorelei enough times to memorize it—she just didn't know what to say in the letter itself.

_What should I say to him? I don't know. He's probably depressed, but if I'm wrong and try to cheer him up, I'll... Maybe I should just tell him how I'm doing. It could be cathartic, in addition to giving me something to write about. But, if he is feeling depressed, I might just make it worse by dumping my problems on him..._

Tear let out a long sigh and placed one of her glove-less hands on her forehead, supporting herself with her elbow. For a long while, she weighed her options, tried to think of other things she could write about, but she didn't come across any topics that she found suitable. _Maybe I'm just over-thinking this? Maybe, for once, I should set logic and rationalizations aside and just... write what I feel._

The melodist slowly moved her hand towards the pen and picked it up, her arm trembling slightly as she pressed the pen against the paper. For hours, Tear labored over her letter, thinking and writing and editing until she thought everything was just right. In the wee hours of the morning, Tear's pen, drained of its ink, was laid on her desk for the last time, and she squirmed about in her chair, her feet kicking some of the balled-up pieces of paper she had tossed onto the floor over the course of the night. Now fighting to keep her eyelids open, Tear picked up the single piece of paper that rested on her desk and read it back to herself:

_Dear Luke,_

_I had some free time, so I thought I'd write you a letter. I've never written one before, so I apologize if it sounds strange._

_How are you doing? I hope you're doing well... I know it must be difficult for you, being back at your home after all that's happened. I... want you to know that if you need me, I'm only a letter away. I wish I could say my concern for you was unfounded, but I know you better than that. On another note, how are things in Baticul? How are Natalia and your mother? How is Mieu?_

_As for me, I'm tired, but I'm doing okay. No, that's not true... The miasma in my body has been affecting me more and more lately, and things have been rather chaotic here in Yulia City, as you might imagine—the residents are still trying to adjust, and now even the lowest-ranking members of the Order of Lorelei know about its connection to the city. Grandfather's needed me to do a lot of work lately because of all that's happened. I'm surprised I even have the time or energy to write this..._

_I made my brother a grave or sorts in the selenia garden. You remember the one, don't you? Where I promised you... Anyways, I go there every day and talk to him—about the way things turned out, about the Major, and sometimes, about my friends—and you. I wish my brother and the Major had sided with us instead of resorting to extremism, so that none of this ever would've happened. Van and Major Legretta... I think it's ironic that I'd grow up to fight against the person who raised me and the person who shaped me into a soldier. No, not just ironic—cruel. Van honestly thought that achieving his goals would help me (and the world), but his actions did the exact opposite. _

_I miss both of them so much, and talking to Van helps me cope—as illogical as pretending he's still here is. But still, it's... hard. With my brother and the Major gone, and everything else... lately, I wonder if I can hold it all together. Even falling asleep at night is difficult, and that makes my work even more so. In the past, I'd have tried to suppress my emotions and continue my work, but now... now I don't know what to do. I suppose that telling you all of this is a step towards finding that answer. I've changed so much ever since meeting you and beginning our journey... For some reason, I don't think I'm done changing just yet._

_Concerning the miasma in my body, well... I'm afraid. There doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do for me now. I feel so terrible, wondering if each day is going to be my last. Luke, I... I don't want to die. _

_...Again, I apologize if this letter sounds strange. I'd... like to hear from you soon. Oh, and don't worry about me, Luke. I'll... I'll be fine._

_Sincerely,_

_Tear_

As she read the letter, the soldier in Tear couldn't help but panic. _Am I... being too open? Maybe I... shouldn't send it...?_

Tear pressed her hands against her cheeks and set both elbows on her desk, frowning again. She thought long and hard about what she should do. She had spent so much time and expended so much effort on writing this letter, too much to simply ball it up and toss it on the floor with all the other drafts, but at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to allow Luke to see the side of her depicted in the letter, the side of her she always tried so hard to suppress. Finally, she arrived at a decision—one she didn't like, but one that would end her internal conflict. The soldier picked up her letter and delicately folded it vertically once and then again, then opened the desk's drawer and placed it inside. Maybe she'd show it to Luke someday, to show him her thoughts and feelings (and also, that he was a bigger part of both than he realized)—but not now. She just wasn't ready yet. Tear then grabbed another piece of paper and a different pen and hurriedly wrote a new letter to Luke.

* * *

Roughly three weeks later, Tear's letter finally found its way into Luke's hands. When he finished reading it, one thought, spoken aloud, crossed his mind: 

"...This is a situation report, not a letter."

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**Author's Notes:**Well, I hope everyone who read this fic enjoyed it. I have some ideas for a follow-up that focuses a lot more on Luke and Tear, which I may write depending on how this fic is received. Thanks for reading. 


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